Don't Take Memory Lane, Just Keep Going Straight...

Friday I was attempting to organize the books in my new bookcase by color as demonstrated by some of my artsy friends... It did not work. During the process, a blue, folded piece of notebook paper fell out of one of the books that I haven't read since college. It was a letter from a good friend while he was on his mission. In it, he asked me about the current boy I was dating and if he was marriage material. Sadly, judging from the date, I couldn't tell if the boy in question was Chad or one who shall not be named.

The letter got me reminiscing. In my room sat a suitcase filled with old pictures and memorabilia that my sister Tricia had brought me two weeks ago, courtesy of my mom cleaning out the attic. I hadn't had the energy to sift through it yet, so I decided to sit down and finally look at what she sent. Near the top of the pile I found a journal that just happened to be the one that started in October of my freshman year of college and went through Chad and I getting married. And I started to read.

Big mistake. I discovered that I was Ca-Razy back then. Like certifiable.

Have you seen the movie He's Just Not That into You where they show some women documentary style discussing their love lives? It's sad how much I related to parts of that movie. Anyway, one girl (and I'm paraphrasing this greatly from memory) was lamenting the invention of Caller ID. She basically said it was her prerogative if she wanted to call a guy fifteen times in one hour to see if he was home without him knowing about it. Why did we need Caller ID to go ahead and ruin that?

Apparently, this was my prerogative in college as well. Thank goodness my college time was before cell phones and texting. Who knows what kind of damage I could have done with those. Regardless, I seem to have had very low impulse control in college. I hope I've improved. The following are a few gems I was reminded of while re-reading my college journal.

Things that are better off forgotten from college:

- After dialing an ex-boyfriend over and over again for several hours he finally answers and I find out he had spun out on some black ice while driving home and was very shook up. I pause about five seconds, and then proceed to ask him if he can drive me to my hair appointment the next day.

-While on a weekend getaway with some friends, a boy I knew liked me finally got up the nerve to profess his feelings and cornered me in the kitchen to tell me. After listening to his speech, which ended with what a "high regard" he had for me. I patted him on the shoulder and said, "Thanks, ----. I have a high regard for you too." And then walked away. Ouch!

-Anytime a deep emotion was felt, a long, lengthy, handwritten letter was warranted.

-I planned many trips to the library around various boys' schedules that I was pretty much stalking. One being an ex-boyfriend's best friend since childhood.

-I went and watched a movie with a guy who I knew had a girl friend (although I'd never met her, so somehow that made it feel less real) and felt put out when he tried to hold my hand during the movie and I knew I shouldn't but I really wanted to because I liked him a lot. (I didn't, by the way, I had a tiny amount of self-respect. Not much, just a shred...)

-Apparently, three days in college equals like seven years in real life. Journal entries separated by three day periods could have such varied emotions as "I think I love him and I really want to marry him!" to "I never really liked him," to "He's so selfish!" to "He gave me the sweetest thing!" to "We just had the best date ever!" to "I think I need to break up with ---. Things just aren't working out." etc. etc. etc.

-I would break up with boys if they didn't spend every waking second with me outside of class or work.

-I could tell within five seconds of meeting a guy if he had "potential" or not and would write him off immediately if he didn't... Funny that I ended up with Chad after a year and a half of being just friends...

Some of you may be thinking: "Well, Katie, your journal sounds like all you cared about is boys. Did you even go to class during those four years of college?"

Well, yes, yes, you're right. All I did care about was boys. The only other things mentioned in my college journal are occasional colds and how many papers I had to write that week.

And for the record, I did graduate cum laude and in three and a half years. Does that make up for all the other nasty incidents? No? I didn't think so either...

Part of me wishes I could call some of those boys and apologize for the way I behaved back then. But that's also the same part of me that would dial a guy's number over and over again for an hour waiting for him to get home.

So I guess we'll just call it good since I have three daughters and will probably get my payback in a few years when they start dating.